


The Never Ending Battle

by Sand_wolf579



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, War, Welcome to the Jungle, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 23:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13201023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sand_wolf579/pseuds/Sand_wolf579
Summary: Dick Rory didn't think he would ever be able to say that he had overcome all of his personal demons, but that didn't mean that he was going to stop trying.





	The Never Ending Battle

**Author's Note:**

> It is so odd. So far most of my favorite Legends of Tomorrow episodes are the ones where they go back to some war. I just feel like those are the episodes that do the best at tackling the emotional complexities of these characters, and I watch the show because I get to see these characters overcome their personal demons.  
> Maybe I’m just biased (I’m definitely biased) but I think that Mick has grown the most as a person out of everybody on the team. He still has a lot of anger and hatred inside of him, most of it directed towards himself, but because of his experiences on the team he’s learning to stop hiding from his emotions.
> 
> I loved the stuff that went on between Mick and his father and I thought that it was very well done. And, because there will never be enough Mick-centric stories in the world, I had to write about it. 
> 
> Just to clear things up, this story is from his father’s point of view, but he’s still going to think of Mick as ‘Mick’. I know that Nate introduced Mick to his father under a fake name, but Dick was there when Amaya called him ‘Mick’ (multiple times), so I think it’s okay to think that he knows that’s his name, just to make things easier.

Dick Rory had met a number of different people during his time in the war. Even when soldiers had been specifically trained to work as a unit and think as one, each one of them was still an individual, and they had their own ways of thinking. As a sergeant Dick needed to be able to know how to work with his men, even if it wasn’t always the easiest thing in the world. He couldn’t properly lead people unless he got to know them, and for Dick, who wasn’t an especially social person, it was damn difficult at times.

It was necessary though, because while some men respected authority without question, others needed more convincing. Their respect needed to be earned, and that took effort. If it made him a better leader, Dick had thought that it was well worth the effort.

He had gotten quite a bit of practice in stepping out of his comfort zone to get to know stubborn soldiers during the war. Even so, Dick didn’t think that any of those experiences would stand out in his head as much as those two days with the CIA agents.

Dick hadn’t bothered to get to know Haygood all that well, but he had gotten to know the other one, Schwarzenegger...Mick. Dick was fairly certain his first name was Mick. He didn’t normally think of people by their first names, but it was a much easier name to remember than the last name he had been introduced with. Dick had known from the moment that they had met that Mick was a tough bastard who didn’t take orders very well. He had struck Dick as the kind of CIA agent that he despised working with, and he would have avoided him at all costs if it weren’t for the look that Dick had seen in Mick’s eyes.

During his time as a sergeant, Dick had seen too many men with that same look in their eyes. A look that was somehow equal parts intense passion and fire, and cold indifference. It was a look that came through experience, because one has lived through something terrible that most people are lucky enough to not even be able to imagine.

Dick was all too familiar with that look, because he saw it in his own reflection every morning.

Maybe that was what had drawn him to Mick, because he had reminded him of himself. Dick was all too familiar with the hell that he called his life, and he would be damned if he just sat back and watched as somebody else made the same mistakes that he did.

Mick hadn’t been very willing to open up to him, or stand within a five foot radius of him, but something had changed when Dick had saved his life. Dick himself hadn’t thought much of it, he just hadn’t wanted to have another death that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Another name on the list. But Mick had taken it personally, almost as though he couldn’t believe that anybody would risk their own life to save his.

Dick usually didn’t judge other units and teams, but what kind of group was Mick a part of that he didn’t even feel like somebody had his back?

Something had changed after that incident in the jungle. Dick didn’t know if Mick had just grown tired of trying so hard to avoid him, or if he felt like he owed him, but the man had toned down his hostility toward him. Not by a lot, but enough that Dick had been able to talk to Mick about matters that he held close to his heart, like his girl or the men that he had lost, without having to worry about Mick using him as target practice for that strange flame thrower of his.

Not only had Mick been willing to hear what Dick had to say, but he had actually listened to him and taken his words to heart. Dick didn’t entirely understand why, but something that he had said had seemed to really hit home for Mick.

At least, Dick hadn’t understood why, until he had caught a glimpse of Mick burning himself when he had thought that nobody was looking. Dick hadn’t said anything or confronted him about it, because it wasn’t any of his damn business. Even if Dick had said something, he didn’t think it would have made a difference. He had met far too many men like Mick, men that had seen things that they wanted to forget, and done things that haunted their nightmares. Men who wanted a release from the hell that was their own minds through any means necessary.

Some of these men turned to drugs and smoking to distract themselves. Some drank themselves to oblivion for the smallest bit of numbing relief. Some of them took their anger and fear out on those around them. And some of the men hurt themselves either in an attempt to replace their emotional and mental pain with something more physical, or because they thought that they deserved it.

Dick didn’t entirely understand how he knew, but something in Mick’s eyes told him that the later was the case for him. Something had happened, an explosion, a bomb, a fire, whatever, and Mick had survived, but others hadn’t. He had survivor’s guilt, and he burned himself because he thought that he deserved it.

This wasn’t a healthy line of thinking, and if Dick thought that he could do anything to change it then he would, but he couldn’t, so he didn’t. Whatever demons Mick was dealing with, they were his own, and nobody could fight them off for him. 

Dick knew that much from personal experience.

And he also knew from experience that it was hard to fight off these feelings, but it was possible, and Dick had no doubt in his head that Mick would figure it out. The man may have some unresolved issues, and he would probably have to deal with them for the rest of his life, but even in the short time that Dick had known him he could tell that Mick was, above all else, a fighter.

Dick could tell just by the hardened look in Mick’s eyes that the man had experienced things that would destroy a weaker man, and he had lived through them. He hadn’t walked away unscathed, the haunted look in his eyes and burns on his arms were clear signs of that, but at least he had walked away at all.

Mick didn’t sit around and complain about how much his life sucked, and he didn’t waste his time trying to change things that just couldn’t be changed. At the same time though, Mick didn’t just roll over and let life walk all over him. Mick was the kind of guy that fought back when he could, and accepted it when he couldn’t. Life hadn’t been fair to Mick, and he didn’t expect it to be.

Every day was a struggle, but it was a struggle that he had always overcome up to this point. Dick just hoped that Mick didn’t lose that inner struggle and destroy himself, just like he hoped the same thing for himself. Dick didn’t know what he would do if he ever let his personal demons get the better of him. How would it affect the life that he hoped to have with his girl when all of this was over? And if Dick lost himself and he and his girl actually had a kid…

Dick didn’t know if he was strong enough to remember the lives that had been lost for this war and keep himself from ruining more lives at the same time. He had to be strong enough though, because if he wasn’t then he might as well just put his girl’s name on the list along with the others, and that was to say nothing of any potential kid they might have.

God, Dick didn’t even want to think about kind of father he would be if he lost himself to his own memories and guilt. Would he even have the right to call himself a father at all? It was thoughts like this that made Dick feel like maybe he just shouldn’t have kids, but if his girl wanted one, well, he had never been able to say no to her. And even if she didn’t want one, accidents happened all the time.

Dick needed to do whatever he could to not let things get as bad as he feared they could. He had been pulled back from the line that he knew there would be no returning from. Dick already felt guilty about the lost lives of the men on his list, and he would have doubled the size of the list in a single moment if it weren’t for Mick. The man had stopped him from making what probably would have been the biggest mistake of his life, and Dick would forever be grateful for that.

He couldn’t just relax though. Dick was all too aware that at any given moment he could stumble upon a similar situation that could have a similar outcome, and the next time, it would be his own job to keep himself from going past the point of no return. It wouldn’t be easy, but nothing that was even remotely related to this hell hole of a war was.

Dick wanted to be strong enough to keep himself from destroying himself entirely. He wanted to be the kind of man who was actually worthy of leading soldiers. When all was said and done, Dick wanted to be somebody that he could be proud of being,somebody who was aware of the dangerous line and understood just what it would mean if he crossed it.

Something told Dick that Mick was just that kind of man. He had his own issues, there was no doubt about that, but he had figured out how to function through them without completely forgetting about them. Maybe Mick wasn’t completely in control of his emotions, but he was trying, and sometimes in life that was all that anybody could do.

As for whether or not Mick or even Dick’s attempts at trying to overcome their own dark thoughts were actually successful...well, only time would tell.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not entirely sure why this episode spoke to me. It’s not because I particularly relate to it, I don’t have horrible PTSD, and don’t personally know anybody who does. All I know is that I loved the way that it showed Mick’s relationship with his father. There are still some issues, and while Mick may not entirely forgive his father for what happened, he does understand him. I don’t think that Mick entirely knows what his father felt like after his time in Vietnam, but he understands and accepts why he was like that. That’s the funny thing about emotions. Sometimes it’s good enough to understand how somebody’s feeling, even if you don’t entirely understand why. And other times it’s enough to understand why the feelings are there, even if you don’t entirely understand what those feelings are.


End file.
